1.

He sent me a bunch of love songs and I don’t know how much to read into it

He sent me a bunch of love songs and I don’t know if he means it

A million love songs later he will drop on one knee and ask the dreaded question

“Will you be my house bunny who cooks and cleans and has no profession?”

“Be my A-ok for other people to know I’ve achieved life’s most important social convention

Be nice and funny but don’t talk back to me and preferably, don’t have conviction.”

Oh, darling your love is so beautiful you make me forget I once had dreams of my own

Oh, baby I’m so in love, and I love that if I want a new car, I don’t have to take out a loan

You know what, I really don’t like love songs, they’re way too cheesy for me to like them

So Imma play dumb or say I’m focusing on myself, but thank you, I’m flattered

2.

These two months without you have absolutely sucked

I don’t know how I managed to go without love

You were stupid and I was going through a thing

We can’t be friends though, ‘cause you broke me within

There are some people whom I had to say ‘next’

They watch my stories and don’t answer my texts,

Their faces are drifting away from my memory

And it hurts to talk about it in therapy

You know what I want

What I really, really want?

To be a happy human being

And have a life worth living

3.

I’m being scolded and I just wanna run

I sit down and express my feelings before they’re gone

Realized lately that I’m lousy at making decisions

I’m just new to being trusted to make them, and even so I have restrictions

Trying to type but my fingers instead pick at my skin

Leave that blemish alone or it won’t heal

I’m so anxious and my nails are down to my cuticle

I feel as though I’m working a 9-5 in a small cubicle

The music I’m listening to right now is scaring me slightly

I wanna be perfect but I tried and failed ghastly

Waiting for months to go by as if that would buy me my golden tickets

The one who will make me free, and I’ll be away from the trenches

The guard dog behind me doesn’t ever take a break

Thinks he’s protecting me, but he’s impeding my breath

4.

For anyone whose wondering whether or not i managed to get over them… i did

Remember like it was yesterday, I asked for help and people began to disappear

It’s happening more than before, it’s happening more and more

Me saying “don’t you ever feel as though…?” and them saying no

It makes me cry being lonely ‘cause I grow to be depressed

Also, people fail to say stuff that’ll get me impressed

5.

Happiness always seems so far away

 In a sea of despair, I swim at bay

Mexican marigolds are my favorite flowers and I wonder

Will I ever have someone bringing them to me in November?

Happiness is a dream I can’t get back to because I woke up to pee

Happiness is the warm gun everyone wants to have people envy

I look in the mirror and I don’t like what I see

Oh, how cliched, but oh, how sad indeed

But remember me when I’m gone if you please

Say that I licked and bit my loved ones when having the chance

Laugh together about the many times I fell on my ass

Reminisce about how good it was when I beat depression at last

We are automatons made of meat but are gushing with red liquid inside

Essential thing is to feed ourselves, only discharge it later, and why?

We are in a rock floating through space and there are many other rocks

That means there are more Me’s and more You’s in those?

But oh, wait till you hear God’s voice in guidance

Or till you have a specifically weird Deja vu in your memories’ absence

What if happiness is a social construct to make me feel like shit

Hit me with a book to see if I make sense of all this

Send me away to see the bigger picture and get some clarity

Let’s see if the world changes its definition of sanity

But make sure you are lucid and smiling so that I know you are alive

Not just existing but aware in this life

Did I dream it, or did it happen in real life?

God, don’t let me die before my mother cause she ‘d have a heart attack and die

A zombie apocalypse last night I dreamed

Was glad to be the thing people ran away from and screamed

Waking up, what a great story to tell

But no one really listens to what I say