Creative Voices

By Eleonora Prior / Matthew staff | Edited by Ella Schale

You ask me to come back home to celebrate your birthday, 

We would watch a movie and eat ice cream as we normally do, 

I would choose something you don’t like  

and hear you complain about my unusual taste, 

just to change your mind and tell me it was great.  

We would fall asleep, at 2 am,  

after talking about our summer plans. 

The next morning I would wake up early, 

You like sleeping until noon, 

And I like waking you up, with hot coffee and melodies. 

I want to come home to the house above the river, 

I want to hug you until my arms ache, but- 

I cannot leave at this time, when my desk is full.  

Because I have work and miles of words to write.  

The train departs without me, my seat occupied by some stranger.  

I wish I could come home, 

Yet I won’t buy the ticket, I won’t come back.  

A lie told with guilt and shame, 

Putting the blame on work and time  

When the only thing to blame is me and my self sabotage. 

I know I will regret not being there,  

I will watch the pictures on my phone  

while I ignore your texts and calls. 

I will feel jealous about the people you will celebrate with,  

They don’t love you like I do,  

I know the real you. 

You cry with me, you shout at me, you confide in me.  

As usual I will write a sentimental card,  

saying that our twin souls will live forever. 

That my kids will be friends with your kids 

And that we’ll gossip about our husbands like kisses and boys. 

You wouldn’t understand if I told you the real reason I won’t be there, 

You wouldn’t believe that I could put something else above you.  

So, I lie. 

There is nothing wrong with it if you don’t know why. 

*Image | Drawing by Ella Schale